``_Saturday, January 28, 2012 ♥ 10:23 AM
her rambles ♥
he's asked for me again & again. but after so many times, he seems to have failed to realise - the reason i kept saying no was because he's already left me twice. if it was his choice to leave me, twice in two weeks, why should i hold on any further? this time i stood strong again, in fact, stronger than before. & said no. i've chosen to forget, forgive & have moved on. this time, i've officially given him no reason to hold onto me. because we are two separate identities. once connected by a story, now individuals from a broken heart. you have done no wrong, but all you've done, was to make me weary of my actions & caution to approach you. i'm sorry it has ended this way, & now, i know, who my true friends are. thank you to everyone that helped create this artificial fairytale. i'll be alright from now.
so in the past week or so, i've found someone that seemed to have arrived a bit late. he's been there all along, & i've never noticed his presence. a few conversations later, & i find myself caring for this one individual a little more than i should be. it may seem all too quick, for me to meet someone new & realise that i've moved on. but i guess, to have known that i have all these choices & not have bothered looking.. i'm sure i've been too caught up with chasing someone that never cared. to this guy that i've just gotten to know so much better, thank you for being so easy to talk to. thank you for being so fun to hang around. i really appreciate your honesty. in some way, you're so similar to how i am - upbringing, beliefs, & conduct. so i'm looking forward to more fun times.
to a better year, to a better me, & to a history i've now chosen to forget...
lyn x
``_Monday, January 16, 2012 ♥ 12:02 AM
her rambles ♥
There are certain things people try to hold on to, certain things people hold on to without even trying, certain things that hold itself together without effort, & certain things that fall apart no matter how hard you've tried.
You were that certain thing I tried to hold on to, & yet fell apart. Now I know, because now I see... I know I'd have moved on, only when I struggle to remember our fights, arguments & unhappy memories.
& just like how i've moved on from him, i've forgotten the arguments & upsetting memories. right now, all i'm holding to, are happy ones. & the fact that i've found that friendship with him again, reminds me that no matter what happens, i'm still holding on to my promise. to forever love you in a way or another.
same goes to you i guess, i've tried so many convos. been more than two weeks. & i guess this isn't the way we'll go for the year. only the start of 2012, but eventually, we'll be friends again. when - i know not of. but eventually, one day. when we've both fully recovered.
because some things time can't change. like friendships with andrew. 8 years and counting. his persistence with my nonsense, i must say, no guy has tolerated for as long as he has. thank you for always being there =] i'm looking forward to catching up again, & seeing you after 4 years.
it's not long now, i've almost stepped out of our misery. i'm almost at the end, i'm almost able to walk away & pretend nothing bad ever happened. because loving you doesn't mean having you, it just means knowing you're well. &wishing you well.
lyn x
``_Wednesday, January 04, 2012 ♥ 9:59 PM
her rambles ♥
Before we know it, 2012 has arrived. I'm finally entering my final year at uni.
Many say 2012 will bring about happiness, and some say the end of the world...
Either way, I know this year will bring me plenty more fun adventures.
I'm not just entering the final year of uni, I'll also be celebrating my 21st year born into this world.
A remarkable timeframe to have experienced happy times, sad times, love, hate, tears, agony, and separation...
Loosing loved ones, letting go of friendships & trying to get myself back again.
2011 was an amazing year - experiencing different types of love.
Seeing and experiencing familial interactions - with mine and others... & catching up with many people from all over the world.
Met some awesome friends, got to know people who were on exchange (will & jem), went out into the city for photoshoots,
been out on a houseboat, attended 21sts & felt super motivated to get people to do speeches, re-found friendships, lost friends, got closer with strangers, worked plenty, saved slightly, & most importantly, loved and lost.
Because they once said, 'better to have once loved and lost, than to never have loved at all'.
I guess the highlight of my year was to meet him again, & fall in love all over again. I know I've thanked him before, over & over again, in almost every way I could've possibly thanked him. Perhaps it's nothing to even have thanked about, a relationship wasn't a favour, its a reciprocal action by both. I may have done wrong, & never showed him how much I appreciated, never proven to him how I could've been a better girlfriend, but deep down, I hold on to a hope... that this was going to be another one of our silly arguments. I guess, a part of me hopes for forgiveness & for everything to return to before. Eventually, I'll have to move on, find someone else, allow someone to be a part of my life. Eventually, I'll have to open & see, welcome someone else into my life & celebrate my strengths and flaws. I guess I will have to accept, he's not the one, & he won't be the one... so I'll have to wish him well. Congratulate him & see him turn into someone else's boyfriend, fiancee & eventually, husband. A long time, true... yet still hard to imagine & accept, a man I once loved will have to be someone elses.
Anyway, its been four days into the new year. & I haven't managed to move on yet. I've given myself this year, to sort myself out, & to once again be prepared to love, like I've never loved before. & it also marks the 4th day since I've heard from him... I suppose he needs time, & space... if only he knew how much he meant to me. How much he still means to me. Four days in... & I've also gone out into the city. Realising a whole world has been moving on, while I've held on to history. Visited a few places in the city today & found that I also revisited my memories, revisited the anger & solved a few unforgiven arguments. Figured plenty weren't worth it... but when you're in it, you never know how to cherish.
Because when you're living within happiness, you won't know what happiness is. Till you've lost.
& this new year, I'll have fun, & love myself, like no one else has ever loved me before.
For my 21st year, I'll live for myself & believe that somewhere, out there, my man's still waiting to meet me.
lyn x
``_Wednesday, November 16, 2011 ♥ 4:37 PM
her rambles ♥
five days ago, i posted saying i loved you.
but who knew, you'd leave me just like that.
i miss you.
please give me another chance...
the past 26.5 hours has been a torture, i don't want reality,
i want to know you're still wanting me.
:(
its fuckn painful without you .
lyn x
